There were times I was uncomfortable. Wearing obviously female clothing like dresses and skirts – which probably explains why I wore one of each twice and never again.
It wasn’t until I started my current job that I really started to experience something we call dysphoria. My then manager used use my full dead name which was feminine and called me ‘mrs’ a lot. I felt uneasy and annoyed and irritated whenever he used it and wouldn’t stop, even when I asked him to.
Shortly after, I heard about someone else coming out and it sort of clicked for me. That and the fact I got angry at someone telling me I don’t have a dick after I told them to suck it. Well, I ended up on YouTube, anyway, looking at videos of how people knew they were trans. One in particular stood out to me. It was by a guy called Taylor O’keefe. He spoke about how he hadn’t always known he was trans and it resonated with me. It was at that point that it really hit home, I think.
Looking back, there were signs. Some I’ve discussed with only a few people because of how embarrassing they are. Some were obvious like being comfortable wearing male clothes only. I once turned around to my mum and told her that I wanted to try being a girl now. After watching a TV show which had a transman on it, I tried binding my chest with a bandage like he had. Thankfully I couldn’t since I didn’t realise how dangerous it was at the time.
There are more but that seems enough for now. I didn’t always know I was trans. And that’s okay.